Hi, wellcome to my web page. Here you will find the best jokes on the web, well, i think so anyway! If you have got any others then send them to me and if they are really, really, really funny then i'll put them on this page.
Go to Jokes 2-4
Go to Joke 5
Go to Joke 6
Go to Joke 7
This little Dublin feller called Paddy went on mastermind.
Questioner: "Where are you from Paddy?"
Paddy: "Dublin"
Questioner: "Have you lived there all your life?
Paddy: "No, not yet I haven't"
Questioner: "OK, lets start, Where are the Andes?"
Paddy: "At the end of my wristies"
Questioner: "Who was half man and half goat?"
Paddy: "Errr, Billy the Kid"
Questioner: "Do you know what a Hebrew is?"
Paddy: "A male teabag"
Questioner: "What was Kipling famous for?"
Paddy: "He makes exceedingly good cakes"
Questioner: "where's Hadrians wall?"
Paddy: "At the back of Hadrians house"
Questioner: "Who was the first woman on earth?
Paddy: "Err, can you give us a clue?"
Questioner: "OK, Apple"
Paddy: "Errr, Granny Smith?"
Questioner: "What bird doesn't build a nest?"
Paddy: "A cuckoo"
Questioner: "Why do you say that Paddy?"
Paddy: "Because it lives in a clock"
Questioner: "What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Paddy: "You can roast beef but you can't pee soup"
Questioner: "Give me two days in the week that start with the letter T"
Paddy: "Errr, Today and Tomorrow"
Questioner: "What's the name for a Japanese nappy?"
Paddy: "Sackapoopoo
Questioner: "OK paddy, your final question. If I gave you 4 rabbits today and 5
tomorrow, how many would you have?"
Paddy: "10"
Questioner: "No, no, let me put it this way. If I gave you 4 chickens today and
5 tomorrow, how many would you have?"
Paddy: "9"
Questioner: "OK, good. So, if I gave you 4 rabbits today and 5 tomorrow, how
many would you have?"
Paddy: "10"
Questioner: "Why do you keep saying that Paddy?"
Paddy: "I've already got one rabbit at home"
JOKE 2!!!!!!!!
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
JOKE 3!!!!!!!!!!
Q.How do you get a one armed MAN out of a tree?
A.Wave at him.
JOKE 4!!!!!!!!!
A guy walks into a bar. He sits down and says to the bartender, "I'll bet you �100 that if you put a glass at that end of the bar, I could stand at the other end and fill it up with my urine." Well the bartender thinks, "That's an easy �100." So he says "Okay." So the guy gets on top of the bar and pees everywhere, even on the bartender. Well, the bartender doesn't care, he just won $100. So very happily the bartender asks for his money. The guy very happily says, "Here you go!" The bartender then asks, "Why are you so happy?" And the guy says, "Well, do you see that guy at the other end of the bar? I bet him �1000 that I could pee on you and you would be happy!"
JOKE 5!!!!!!!!
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from Heaven.
"You`ve been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "that I`m going to give you a special gift. I`m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking knowingly.
Grinning even more widely, the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I`LL shit on its head."
JOKE 6!!!!!!!!
A Bloke goes into a bar in New York and says "Look here bar man. I�ve got a 6 inch pianist, he plays the piano really well let me show you. The bar man says "cor how did you get one of those?" The bloke says "A genie I know gave me a wish. I think I could get him to give you a wish if you like?" The bar man says "Yes please" "OK then" says the bloke "I'll go and get him". The genie arrives and says "OK what your wish". The bar man says I wish for a million bucks. The genie says "OK" and walks out the pub. Then all of a sudden a million ducks come waddling in the pub. The bar man says "I didn�t wish for a million ducks". The bloke says "well you didn�t think I asked for a 6ft pianist did you"!----By Leanne Bellman
JOKE 7!!!!!!!
A guy walks into the Toys-R-Us toy shop in downtown New York and
says to the assistant: "Could you please show me your Barbie dolls?"
She says, "Certainly, sir. Here, we have:
Fashion Barbie at $15.95
Vacation Barbie at $15.95
Housewife Barbie at $15.95
and Divorcee Barbie at $215.95!"
The guy asks in astonishment, "Why is divorcee Barbie so much? She
looks the same to me."
The assistant answers, "Well, sir, divorcee Barbie comes complete with
Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's etc. etc.
